So that seems to have worked. The "show only on 2" setting has survived both a shutdown and cold start and a restart. So the key is that the AOC monitor defaults to the extended "2nd" desktop regardless of what you select with two screens connected before shutdown.
To make this work, attach a fit headless to the HDMI port, start the machine, and then use the Windows-Shift-Arrow keys to bring the settings window into view on the AOC monitor after you lauch it. From there you can go to display settings and change the "extend" option to "show only on 2". Shut the machine down and restart and it should behave properly from then on.
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